They’re upon us again, folks, rambling listicles of journalistic fluff that defy the very nature of hipster hate: It’s an entire numbered column dedicated to stuff people like. Fuck that. We bring you 2010’s Top Ten Top Ten* Lists Hipsters Hate.
10. New York Times’ Top Films and Themes and Trends of 2010
What the fuck is happening here? What the fuck is that even supposed to mean? Has A. O. Scott lost his fucking mind?
9. The Top Words of 2010
Guido and 3-D are on there because everyone is fucking stupid, apparently.
8. Times’ 50 Best Inventions of 2010
Yeah, really great that some rich assholes can now afford airplane cars and jet packs. Come back to me with some hangover-free whiskey and we’ll talk.
7. Wired’s Top 10 Most Significant Gadgets of 2010
Who can afford this shit? Is the recession over?
6. American Film Institute’s Top 10 Films of 2010
Mom and Dad sprang for Toy Story 3 and that was rad. The rest maybe I’ll Torrent when I come home drunk. Movie theaters are like repositories for sticky teenagers and the mentally unsound.
5. New York Times’ 10 Best Books of 2010
Freedom. That Cleopatra book. Yeah, looks like you forgot one, NYT. Fuck you.
4. PopEaters’ Biggest Celebrity Breakups of 2010
The story has “Splitsville!” in the headline… ‘Nuf said.
3. New York Times’ 110 Things New Yorkers Talked About in 2010
Holy fucking shit balls Christ who cares.
2. Pitchfork’s Top 50 Albums of 2010
Pfft. Kanye. That’s not simultaneously pandering and predictable or anything. And what the fuck is Vampire Weekend doing at #6? I thought we were over that madness.
1. Neilsen’s Top 10 TV shows of 2010
Click on this. No seriously, click on this. The fifth most-watched television show in America was the Dancing With the Stars motherfucking results show. [explodes]
*or another arbitrary numeral